Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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