Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
