When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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