There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
