I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
