Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
