from now on my penis is your penis
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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