The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
