How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
