All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
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Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
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This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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