Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
