I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
