We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
