I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
