She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She swung at the pinata with crutches
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
