so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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