So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
