my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
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