butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
