my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
