Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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