i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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