His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
