making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
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She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
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When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it