Texts From Last Night

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  (516): View more from New York

  I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank

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  (516): I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank http://tfl.nu/rnlw
  Replies (22) Good night (685) Bad night (1887)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.

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  (419): it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants. http://tfl.nu/uvta
  Replies (40) Good night (3167) Bad night (583)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.

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  (715): went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower. http://tfl.nu/u1zb
  Replies (22) Good night (7932) Bad night (1274)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."

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  (330): Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy." http://tfl.nu/8mx4
  Replies (15) Good night (3565) Bad night (846)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"

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  (519): I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now" http://tfl.nu/0x96
  Replies (12) Good night (3862) Bad night (1055)
• Favorite

  (419): View more from Ohio

  You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?

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  (419): You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text? http://tfl.nu/28br
  Replies (8) Good night (4145) Bad night (1071)
• Favorite

  (+32): View more from Belgium

  this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk

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  (+32): this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk http://tfl.nu/muj2
  Replies (8) Good night (3016) Bad night (940)
• Favorite

  (574): View more from Indiana

  2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home

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  (574): 2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home http://tfl.nu/gyyq
  Replies (13) Good night (5278) Bad night (1061)
• Favorite

  (586): View more from Michigan

  from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke

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  (586): from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke http://tfl.nu/jxf3
  Replies (4) Good night (2304) Bad night (1128)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  Found the puke drawer

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  (910): Found the puke drawer http://tfl.nu/lcvb
  Replies (6) Good night (440) Bad night (1671)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.

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  (205): I can HEAR him staring at your boobs. http://tfl.nu/pry3
  Replies (5) Good night (1247) Bad night (374)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.

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  (503): Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be. http://tfl.nu/kby8
  Replies (5) Good night (656) Bad night (1216)
• Favorite

  (704): View more from North Carolina

  Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.

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  (704): Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight. http://tfl.nu/a7ns
  Replies (2) Good night (468) Bad night (253)
• Favorite

  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it

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  (267): Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it http://tfl.nu/yaso
  Replies (0) Good night (274) Bad night (496)
• Favorite

  (+33): View more from France

  He asked me how france is treating me

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away

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  (+33): He asked me how france is treating me (312): Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away http://tfl.nu/omtr
  Replies (9) Good night (712) Bad night (209)

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