So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??