I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i drank out of a bidet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize