Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?