Texts From Last Night

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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids

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  (419): I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids http://tfl.nu/0arl
  Replies (11) Good night (1206) Bad night (1331)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!

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  (248): Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something! http://tfl.nu/qltt
  Replies (14) Good night (886) Bad night (1869)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  This girl wants me to lick her pits

  (1-402): View more from Nebraska

  pits??

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though

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  (402): This girl wants me to lick her pits (1-402): pits?? (402): Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though http://tfl.nu/86dv
  Replies (33) Good night (900) Bad night (4320)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  I'm jealous

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  My throat feels like a candle.

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  (270): T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English. (1-270): I'm jealous (270): My throat feels like a candle. http://tfl.nu/vpw9
  Replies (31) Good night (7827) Bad night (997)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me

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  (913): I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me http://tfl.nu/t8we
  Replies (22) Good night (6788) Bad night (1137)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.

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  (814): shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step. http://tfl.nu/6g1i
  Replies (16) Good night (6569) Bad night (1094)
• Favorite

  (781): View more from Massachusetts

  I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.

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  (781): I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on. http://tfl.nu/begu
  Replies (6) Good night (3926) Bad night (1120)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND

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  (352): I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND http://tfl.nu/oakz
  Replies (32) Good night (1805) Bad night (3605)
• Favorite

  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.

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  (724): I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked. http://tfl.nu/4abp
  Replies (9) Good night (538) Bad night (1265)
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  (818): View more from California

  Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it

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  (818): Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it http://tfl.nu/vzjc
  Replies (10) Good night (1554) Bad night (479)
• Favorite

  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle

  (1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Haha, Tuesday man

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  (306): No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle (1-306): Haha, Tuesday man http://tfl.nu/ksku
  Replies (2) Good night (606) Bad night (285)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.

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  (630): come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone. http://tfl.nu/o5uy
  Replies (1) Good night (584) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (347): View more from New York

  She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.

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  (347): She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty. http://tfl.nu/vxvx
  Replies (0) Good night (538) Bad night (607)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....

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  (610): Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something..... http://tfl.nu/e8un
  Replies (0) Good night (758) Bad night (394)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works

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  (647): We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works http://tfl.nu/o9x9
  Replies (1) Good night (522) Bad night (204)

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