her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
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i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
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Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...