I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.