don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
