When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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