you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize