I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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