I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
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