Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
