Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
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