Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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