The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
