what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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