the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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