I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
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