don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
