Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Randomize
