woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
