we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
my shit smells like andre
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
