thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
