you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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