I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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