remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
