i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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