yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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