Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
