I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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