and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
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I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
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YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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