On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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