i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
