You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
