Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
