everyone is single if you try hard enough
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
