last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
