I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Too much gin, very little bucket
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
