Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
