I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Randomize
