sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
