I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
