You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Vodka?
Forever.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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