Me. At least after what I've been through.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
