what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
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who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I need to align my fucking chakras
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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