Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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