all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You dont lie about slip and slides
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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