Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
