Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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