Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
