yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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