So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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