Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
