Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
