so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
