I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
